Monday, April 4, 2011

Women, The Best Fighters In The World (STRICTLY FOR GUYS)

                    Is this really that hard? In 60-75% of women, all they do in a relationship is fight. These beings love to fight. If your woman isn't included in this statistic, then don't let go of her! Treat her right and you shall be grateful. Women are awesome fighters. Why you say? Because they are misleading and complicated, and in what I have observed, these fighters come in 3 types. They can either be in a form of a ninja (silent and deadly), a gladiator (brutal and violent), or simply a woman (just plain complicated).

THE NINJA
Like the ninja, she is a silent assassin that is quite tricky and annoying. The ninja performs a kill silently, and slowly, and the ninja rarely fails. When you piss a ninja off, she will use her favorite move. The "silence" move, slowly torturing you and then before you know it she throws her ninja stars at you, smoke bombs, whatever she is capable of depending on her level (let's call it age). The lower the age the less dangerous the weapon is. How does this actually work?

Scenario

Man: Hey, sorry I was an hour late. I had this meeting with my boss on the spot.

Ninja: ...

Man: I know you're mad at me but I said I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you next time.

Ninja: Hmph...

Man: Hey, can you please answer me here. I feel so dumb talking to myself.

Ninja: You feel dumb? How do you think I feel waiting for you here for an hour! (and so on...)

As you can see in the scenario, the ninja silently makes you feel guilty. Making you realize it's all your fault and believe it or not, she does this silently. As the conversation progresses, the ninja thinks what weapons she will be using to punish you for your crimes. In this case, tardiness. At the end of the scenario, you see the ninja is attacking you. Using your momentum to her advantage and this duel shall be in the total control of the ninja. How long this will take and how dirty it's going to get? Only the ninja knows.

Smarter ninjas tend to use a more advanced style. Like "google" ing the most important NBA game of the season and she sits next to you and asks you a bunch of questions. The worst thing she will do, reserve a restaurant for your date the same day as the NBA finals, Superbowl, whatever.

The ninja is very strategic therefore she is smart. She is a poker player and at the same time a detective. She's a poker player since she likes to play the mind games when it comes to the fight and a detective because she searches for hard evidence when she senses something wrong.

What is the best way to fight a ninja? Let me ask you this instead, do you know when a ninja strikes? There's no way to fight. You cannot strike first. No hugs. No kisses. It won't work. Prevention is key. Know your surroundings and most importantly, earn the ninja's trust. That is how you handle the ninja.

THE GLADIATOR
The gladiator is plainly brutal. She will start off strong and end off even stronger. Some may use a shield and a sword, a whip, an ax, a hammer, a net, or even two swords at once. Guys, if you're with a gladiator. Kudos to you. The gladiator is not difficult to figure out. She is a psycho and extremely paranoid. She will attack at will and will stop until you are dead. She will not give you any room to breathe and she is relentless.

Scenario
Man gets inside the house.

Gladiator (Standing by the door): Where the hell have you been? Strip club? Or did you have a dinner meeting with your secretary?

Man: Come on, I... (gladiator interrupts)

Gladiator: Shut up! You know what, I'm tired of your excuses. Always out with your friends while I'm here alone. Why can't I go to a strip club with you guys?! I clean the dishes, wash your clothes, who the f@#$ do you think you are! (throws something at the man)

Man: (Here we go again)

As you can see in this scenario. All of the typical gladiator traits are evident. She starts throwing assumptions and never gives you a chance to explain. She just grabs her sword and then stabs you a couple of times and throws a deadly blow once in a while. Although they are violent they are prone to trickery.

How do you handle a gladiator. First thing, attack first. Hug her and kiss her before anything else. Be smart. Don't say anything stupid. This will calm her down. Once your attack has begun, wrap her hands and don't give her the chance to pick up her weapon. Compliment her but not too much to the point where she will doubt. The gladiator may be fierce in battle, but outside of the battle they are emotional and fragile.

THE WOMAN
The most common type of fighter. You cannot defeat a woman in an argument. It has never happened because women never express their feelings through their mouth. If you just piss off your woman and asks her "are you alright?" and she says "yeah I'm fine" you're in big trouble my man. She's going to freakin' cut off your head. They are very misleading. They always express the opposite emotions they are feeling. Not just to us men, but also to other women as well.

Scenario
Woman: Oh I hate that bitch, she always wears these kinds of clothes like she's at a prom or something and ...
(suddenly the woman she's talking about walks in)

Woman: Oh heeeeeyyyyy!!! how are you? Why did you just arrive now? Did you eat already?

So this type of woman is quite easy to read once you get the hang of it. Read her body language well because what she says isn't accurate. This is how you handle her. Study your woman's every movement. Remember what she did the last time you fought. That information will usually be valuable to your survival. Read the movements and react. Not to react quick but to react smart.

Because this type covers a lot of things and is very complicated. She will be in another topic. Keep posted guys! This is critical for the survival of our species.

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